World peace —
is it possible?
One day a month or two ago, there was a golf game scheduled to be shown on TV, which I knew my husband would enjoy watching. That morning, with a soft (and loving – I thought) voice, I said to my husband, “I will cook tonight, so you can watch your golf game. And I will use the meat in the refrigerator that you have defrosted.”
“No, you can’t,” he said with an upsetting tone. “Whenever you want to cook, you have to defrost the meat yourself!”
We have this problem: W likes to defrost meat 3 days ahead. Sometime our plan changed and we ended up throwing spoiled meat away. I, on the other hand, like to defrost meat 1 hour before cooking (maybe trying to defrost is more accurate.)
“You know what? It’s perfectly fine with me if you want to cook,” I said in a calm and soft voice (no longer “loving”, I am sure.)
I walked back to my room, feeling unjustifiable. Immediately, I asked myself why I wasn’t happy. I didn’t have to cook, did I?
I have been studying LamRim (Tibetan: “stages of the path”) for two years. I have learned that most of our troubles, distresses… come from how we focusing on “I”, “ME”, and “MYSELF”, like “my opinion has to be heard”, “my effort has to be recognized”, “I deserve more”… etc. LimRim says, “If we can emphasize less on “I”, “ME”, “MYSELF”, we will have a better chance to find happiness.”
I have been doing well since I started studying LimRim, feeling more peaceful, content, and compassionate. Still, when W didn’t respond the way “I” thought he should, everything I’ve learned, practiced and believed in wasn’t being reflected on how I felt or behaved at that moment. I was a little disappointed with myself.
And here I am, thinking world peace.
Word peace —
I will continue praying for it anyway.
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