I really don’t know…

Apparently, I am back to “don’t know anything” age…

I don’t know why when the wind blows to my Face, I often mistake it as my mom blowing on my wounded soul.

I don’t know why when the sun warms me up, I often mistake it as those who (still) love me hug me. Too tight, sometime.

I don’t know why life must have its ups and downs. Why can’t it stay up? Or even stay down? Why just as I get used to one, it must change?

I don’t know why sometimes I want to cry, but no tears, and other time I don’t want to cry, tears come? Laugh is the same.

I don’t know why everyone seems knowing everything, except me.

On the bright side, (after all, this is a Holiday Season), I begin to understand a lot of things…

I remember one story I read long time ago, about a king and his 3 daughters. One day, he asked his daughters what the most important thing in her life was. Two daughters answered: “The King.”; the youngest one said: “Water.” (Do I remember it right?)  I knew what it was trying to tell me when I read it, but now, I understand why the youngest daughter said what she did, and how the youngest daughter felt; I really understand.  For that, I am happy.  

My favorite writing teacher offers a music-related class online; I thought it would be fun to attend. While sampling his class (I had to, since I know almost nothing about music), I suddenly realized that I had no intention in learning music; I was trying to get hold of that younger me. Admitting it or not, I am getting old.

Wait, maybe I do know more than I thought I had known. Let’s see… about the wind — it must be that I know my mom would still comfort me whenever I feel hurt inside; about the sun — it must be because how strongly I want to connect to my friends, even though I haven’t written a word for so long; about life’s ups and downs —  oh well, skip this one; about wanting to cry but no tears – something to do with  my rebelling personality, maybe; about everyone knows everything – I should get an IQ test.   

One writing teacher asked if we would rather be a happy pig or a miserable philosopher. I begin to understand why I should choose _______.

Happy Holidays, my friends. 

About Helen C

A retired computer programmer who loves writing and photographing, and has managed to publish a YA novel "Jin-Ling’s Two Left".
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9 Responses to I really don’t know…

  1. lois says:

    My friend, you are back. Maybe? Yes? You are back now, and I am one happy gal. Happy Holidays to you, Helen. 😘

    Like

  2. serendipity says:

    Good to hear from you again! Life is difficult, especially these days. I think, maybe sometimes we are just pretending the pendamic or the things that trouble us don’t exist.

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  3. Mother Hen says:

    Hi Helen! Good to hear from you.. 🤗 Happy New Year!

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  4. Mabel Kwong says:

    It is lovely to see you again, Helen. Life has it’s ups and downs, and some times are more challenging than others. Take care and stay safe. Best wishes for the year ahead.

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  5. neihtn2012 says:

    Good to read your blog again. Welcome back!

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  6. Happy pig! Oink oink!! Nice to see you here. We do what we can, when we can, and this includes rebellion. Happy 2022. Look at these numbers. A happy bunch.

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  7. Happy holidays – nice to see you here again.

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  8. So good to hear from you! Happy New Year and happy holidays 🙂

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  9. Dalo 2013 says:

    Enjoyed the feel of this post by you, Helen, “Apparently, I am back to “don’t know anything” age…” it is a feeling I think as we move through life, the more we understand how deep and mysterious it is. And these challenges makes us enjoy the happy moments of the now and most important of the past. Wishing you well ~

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