A Little Thought – 2017 Week 10

This is the second scheduled post. If it works according to the plan, it will be posted on Mar. 2, 2017. My mom passed away on Mar. 2, 2001.


No matter what I do to move on from this pain, deep down inside I will always know that I’ll never get to hug my mom again.

I grew up in a no-hug family. In fact, I don’t remember seeing anyone hug someone before coming to U.S.. I guess it was our culture back then.

When I was in high school, one day my mom took me to see a movie. While waiting for the movie to start, she suddenly hugged me. It was an awkward hug, coming with a force that almost could be qualified as an attack. It was clear that she had no idea how and it was also clear that deep down she wanted to hug her kid badly. I was in shock. Before knowing what was going on, I pushed her away. And I’ve regretted ever since.

Mom never tried hugging me after that. It was after I was 40, living in America for almost twenty years that I started hugging my parents when I visited them in Maryland. For dad, hugging was quick and short. If I hugged him a little longer, Dad would gently push me away, saying, “That’s enough.” I had a feeling that he didn’t want me getting emotional.

Mom giggled when I hugged her. She was the one who didn’t let go. She hugged with a noticeable strength. Sometime, I felt as if she wanted me back into her womb.

After Mom passed away, once in a while, I would extend my arms upward to the sky, eyes closing, reliving the hugging moments we had had… that’s the only thing I could do now.

Thanks for visiting my blog.


About Helen C

A retired computer programmer who loves writing and photographing, and has managed to publish a YA novel "Jin-Ling’s Two Left".
This entry was posted in random thoughts, Weekly Little Thought, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to A Little Thought – 2017 Week 10

  1. Mabel Kwong says:

    A very heartwarming account, Helen. I think though you pushed your mum away when she hugged you, she must have been very happy to have hugged you anyway 🙂 I too grew up in a no-hugging family. It was seen as weak, and my parents would rather I be able to stand up on my own. But I do like hugs and welcome one any day. Love changes and the way we express it changes too over time 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Helen C says:

      Thanks, Mabel. My mom was quite surprised when I pushed her away. I was surprised, too, didn’t expect that reaction from myself 😉 I don’t know how to react well when something happens suddenly. Hugs, Helen

      Liked by 1 person

  2. GP Cox says:

    Mothers understand our quirky traits as we’re growing. I miss mine as well. We need to hold onto the good memories!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Helen C says:

      Thanks, GP. You were so right. I used to feel that my mom didn’t understand me. Then one day I realized that it was I who didn’t understand her. It took some growing-up to get things right. 😉
      Have a great day.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. loisajay says:

    Helen–this both breaks my heart and warms it at the same time. My dad’s side of the family is Italian so kisses and hugs were a huge part of my growing up, but not on my mom’s side. Strange about our mothers, isn’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Helen C says:

      Hello, Lois. How are you?
      I think I had gone in a circle: don’t hug in the beginning, then hug everyone, then think before hugging anyone … 😉 Why everything has to be so complicated??? ;-( I am still trying to find the right balance. Ha.
      Have a great day.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Helen, heartfelt and a tribute to the relationships that we have with our mothers. I like the hands raised to the heavens ritual to honor and remember your mother.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Amy says:

    Well written story. I think the kids grow up in a non hug family feel the security and happiness no less than others. coincidentally, I was thinking how my brother always hugs me and I felt like to write a story. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Helen C says:

      Thanks, Amy. I can’t wait to read your story!!! I hope I didn’t miss it (due to the traveling…)
      What I don’t know, usually, don’t hurt me. Since I grew up in a non hug family, I had no idea what hugging was, so I didn’t miss it a bit 😉
      Have a great day.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Cee Neuner says:

    I am so glad you still get hugs from your mom. I know not the same, but the love is still there.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Edward Tan says:

    A short but touching and heartwarming story. It reminds me that I shouldn’t take everything for granted. Same as you, I grow up from a no-hug family, maybe this is part of of East-Asian culture. I should try and hug my mother.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. restlessjo says:

    What a lovely thing to do! I’m sure she’ll be beaming at you when you send your hugs up to the heavens. It’s a long, long time for me since I had a Mum to hug. Funnily enough, Dad was the more demonstrative one. 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Elizabeth says:

    Dear Helen, touching words, the same with my family, no hugs and no feelings demonstrations. I suffered with this lack of affection, so now with my kids I hug them all the time. Have a lovely week and hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Helen C says:

      Thanks, Elizabeth. I, too, hugged my kid like crazy. One day she told me it was too many hugs. I asked, “What’s wrong with that?” She said, “Come on, mom, you just hugged me 30 seconds ago.” Well, I had to learn to control myself. Ha.
      Hugs, Helen.

      Liked by 1 person

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