On Jan. 26 Otto posted a thought-provoking article titled Pursuing Passion. After reading it, and giving it a lot of thoughts, I started feeling uneasy. What qualifies something as a person’s passion? Do I have a passion? I left Otto a message: Is it possible some people don’t have a dream?
Growing up in Taiwan, before attending college, I was expected of, by my parents, one thing only: study hard, so I would be able to pass the entry examination in order to get into a good junior high school, 3 years later high school and another 3 years later college. My dad got a job out of town when I was 5. I started writing to him as soon as I learned how to write and I enjoyed it. In high school, my teacher sent several of my class assignments to a regional newspaper and several got published. I knew writing wasn’t hard for me, but I didn’t know what that meant. When my dad told me to select a science major in college instead of my original idea of journalism, I agreed without struggling. The truth is that I had no idea what I liked to do at that moment (The only to-do thing for me for many years was trying to get into a college, remember?)
When my daughter was senior in high school, thinking of all the free time I was going to have when she left home, I started writing and soon I realized I couldn’t stop. Writing made me happy. I studied, and wrote after work until 1 or 2 am. I thought about my stories while driving, eating… I have passion in writing, I finally could announce to the world.
I told my mom that I had to publish a book before I die; otherwise I would consider my life was totally wasted. In 2009, I self-published Jin-Ling’s Two Left Feet; I was happy and satisfied. But soon, my satisfaction faded away. When one reader came to me telling me how much she liked my book, I was grateful but deep down I wasn’t as happy as I thought I would be. What was going on? Isn’t that what authors dreaming of – readers liking their book? I felt something was missing, but I had no idea what.
Several years later, I decided to learn videotaping and photographing. Like when I was learning writing, I was, again, enthusiastic. I watched tutorial videos up to 1 or 2 am day after day; I read books; took workshop. I have a new passion and that’s photographing, I thought to myself.
Less than 2 years later, one day, I realized that if I don’t take any photo or work on any photo for a week or two (or longer?), it’s all right with me. What does this means? Could it be that photographing is not my passion anymore? Some people have problem holding onto a job, and I have problem holding onto a passion?
(To be continued… to avoid a long post. 😉